A Vessel's Struggle
by NoxyHart
Summary: Sam managed to get the book, now he just needs to get to Gabriel. Balthazar gives him a way to do this but it comes with a price. Now facing the archangel for the first time in a year Sam finds out the reason his mate abandoned him. Getting his soul back is the easy part but just what price did Gabriel pay to get it? AU, Yaoi, Nudity, British slang, D/C, mentions of L/G, G/S, B/D/C


**Welcome to part five of the Vessel Series. Not too much longer now. I hope you all have been enjoying it so far.**

 **Disclaimer: My lawyer said I don't own it and need to stop dreaming.**

Two weeks. It had taken him two weeks to get what was asked of him. He had found the book in a Catholic church in the middle of nowhere in Arizona. The church was abandoned and falling apart but what he found was in prefect condition. He had tipped the altar, pulled up the flagstone and there was the chest. It was a simple wooden chest locked with a silver padlock. One solid hit with the butt of his gun and knocked it clean off. Inside wrapped in a simple piece of leather was his prize. The Angelis Lexicon.

Sam stared at the book on his bed as if it held all the answers in the world, which it very well could have. The book was roughly the size of a standard encyclopedia and the pages were made of a hand cut thick wood pulp paper. The ink, as he had found out through some of the writings, wasn't really ink, but was made from a liquidized form of the Grace of angels. Most of the writing wasn't anything he recognized but there were a few parts that were in standard English or something equally translatable. It was the cover that had him memorized. It was leather bound but hand sewn into the cover were feathers. They weren't just any feathers, but the feathers of the First Four Archangels.

The feathers at the top were smooth yet fluffy and eggshell white in color, the feathers of the first Archangel Michael. The second set of feathers were a blinding shade of pure white, felt like silk, and yet were sleek in their design. He had seen these feathers only once before, the feathers of the Archangel Lucifer. The third set of feathers were a bronze color and more rounded but they felt stiffer then the others, they belonged to the Archangel Raphael. The last were the feathers that he knew so well and that haunted his dreams. The soft golden feathers that were aerodynamically designed for speed, the feathers of the Archangel Gabriel.

He reached out a gently touched the golden feathers, remembering how it felt to run his fingers through them as he laid entwined with the archangel. He remembered their warmth, their softness, but most of all he remembered the feeling of safety that they provided. He wanted to feel that again. Hell he just wanted to be able to feel again. Razael had said this book would help but he didn't know how.

Carefully opening it once more Sam read the first page yet again, though he had read it so much it over the past few weeks that he had memorized what it said.

| _We, the Archangels of God, are hereby sworn to uphold the will of our Father. We are the Warriors of Heaven and we pledge to protect all that is created by our Father. We are His Divine Instruments and we pledge that He uses us as He see fit. We are His and it is by His will that we live and die. For all that we are was set forth by our Father. In His name we swear on our Grace to do what we believe is right. In our Father's name we pledge ourselves. Amen._ |

At the bottom of the page were four feathers. Michael's feather still shown brilliantly, shining with his Grace. Lucifer's feather was burning brightly as well. Raphael's feather was flickering, almost as if he had lost his way. But Gabriel's was the one he was worrying about. Instead of a brilliant gold the color was a dull bronze color. It was troubling and brought to mind Dean's cryptic words before Razael had to take over again. Dean had said that it was killing him. But was was 'it'?

He reached out and fingered his cell phone once more. He was debating calling Bobby to see if he knew anything but he doubted that Bobby would tell him anything. After all he didn't tell him that Dean was still out there hunting and playing puppet to an insane angel. There was always Castiel but he highly doubted that the dark haired angel would even answer him. He had somehow made the angel's shit list and had no idea how to fix it.

Not knowing what else to do he closed the book and laid back down on the bed. *If there are any angels out there that are listening and that are working with Castiel and Gabriel then I could use some help or advice or anything that might help me save Gabriel.*

"Ask and ye shall receive."

Sam was upright and firing his gun before he even thought about what was said. There was a rustling of feathers and he was suddenly alone again. The rustling came back and a fairly tall man with curly dirty blonde hair appeared. He was in a pair of jeans, and a tee shirt with a suit jacket over it. He gave Sam a cocky grin.

"Is this how you treat all your guests that you summon?" He asked looking at Sam curiously.

The door to Sam's room burst open to reveal the Campbell clan, all armed and ready to fight.

The man turned to them. "Ah good everyone's here. How brilliant!" He said, his British accent ringing quite clearly in he room. "Come in now don't be shy."

"What in the hell is going on here?" Samuel asked, lowering his gun. "Who is this British freak?"

"British, yes. Freak, no. Well, actually, that is a possibility." He said thinking about it. "Though I might have to ask Castiel about that. Anyway let's hurry up I don't have much time before someone realizes that I'm gone."

The rest of Campbell clan filed in the room and the guy shook hands with Samuel and Mark, kissed Gwen's hand, and completely ignored Christian. "So now that we've all been properly introduced let's get to it shall we?"

"What's your name?" Sam said.

"Excuse me? What?" He asked.

"Your name." Sam said again. "You didn't tell us your name."

"Oh right. How rude of me. I'm not trying to be a bugger." He made a quick bow. "Balthazar, at your service. Sort of. I'm actually sworn to someone else but that is neither here nor there. Anyway you gave me a bell Sam so here I am. Ask away."

Sam glanced at Samuel and the man just shrugged. "You asked for him."

"Didn't know I'd actually get someone." Sam said. "What did you mean you are sworn to someone else? Who exactly?"

"That is a nice question." Balthazar said pointing at Sam. "I am currently in the service of a certain archangel who I am forbidden to name aloud."

Sam startled. "You...You work for Gabriel."

"I can neither confirm nor deny it." He said with a smile.

"Okay. You are probably forbidden to say that too huh?" Sam asked with a smile. "Okay then. Is he dying? And if so then how will this book help?"

Balthazar clapped his hands together as he looked at the book. "Blimey, you have it. I was starting to worry that we wouldn't have it in time. Yes he is dying but not in the way you think Sam. He's losing his Grace. It's what makes him an angel. Soon he'll lose it all and then he'll be a human."

"Why? Why is he losing his Grace?" Sam asked.

"You ask the question and you are the answer. I can't say more then that." The British angel said.

"And why not?" Gwen asked. "You said you were here to help."

"I am. But you have to understand that I am also sworn to Gabriel so my hands are tied with what I can and can't tell you." Balthazar said walking over to the mini fridge and pulling out a bottle of booze.

"Fat lot of good you are." Christian said.

"I can be a bloody lot of good if you kept your bloody lips shut, you tosser, because unlike you I know my onions." Balthazar snapped. "Now here's what I can tell you. Are you paying attention? Tomorrow Dean and Razael are going to take out a small shroud of ghouls that have been bugging everyone in the area. With me so far?"

"Yeah." Sam said. "I'm with you, I think. But what does that have to do with us?"

Balthazar poured himself a drink and looked up at Sam. "You want to see Gabriel don't you?"

"You are going to draw Gabriel out for us?" Samuel asked in disbelief. "What's the catch?"

"Right. Catch." He said taking a drink. "The catch is that Sam is going to need to have that book on him and I'm going to have to shoot Dean."

There was a sudden outcry of several voices that had the angel covering his ears. He summoned his power and his rather thick brown and gray wings appeared. At nine feet they were impressive but it was his next trick that had them falling silent.

"Enough!" He yelled his voice echoing and wings outstretched. "Do you want to get Gabriel out into the open or not?"

"Not at the expense of my grandson's life!" Samuel snapped.

"Who said anything about killing him?" Balthazar asked. "I'm going to shoot him in the shoulder bad enough that it takes him down. That will draw Gabriel out into the open. The only problem is once I take the shot Razael will sod off leaving Dean very vulnerable. Can I ask that you protect him until we get there? Because this injury will be traumatic."

"Won't you be in a lot of trouble if Gabriel finds out that you planned to shoot Dean?" Sam asked. "Because since Razael has seen Gabriel I am assuming Dean has too."

"Smart chap. Gabriel hasn't left Dean's side since he was rescued by your brother and his mate." The British angel said. "Now I need you to be at this address at exactly this time and I need you to come in this door or else this will fall to shambles."

A piece of paper appeared on the table. It was a blueprint with a building layout. One door was circled and above it was a time. He pointed at the place he circled and there was a trail of arrows showing them exactly how to get there.

"Bob's your uncle! Dog's bollacks right?" The angel asked, refilling his glass. "All you have to do is show up with that book Sam. Show up and Gabriel will be there. I swear it on my Grace."

Sam looked up at Samuel. He was looking over the plans checking and double checking things. Mark was on his cell phone using the gps to check everything over and get a satellite veiw. Christian was checking over what weapons they would need and Gwen was making sure to get an estimate travel time.

Sam looked back at the angel. "What do you think?"

"I think you have it all well in hand. Just remember not to be late or poor Dean is going be to gutted. No cock-ups got it?" Balthazar said finishing his drink. "Now if you'll excuse me I have an archangel to get back to. He'll want his bit of nosh."

The angel spread his wings and vanished with a rustle. Sam blinked and turned back to the book that was still on the bed. He hadn't noticed with all the commotion but there was a faint hum coming from the book that was fading. Frowning he looked over to see a single feather floating down. He managed to snatch the feather before it hit the ground. He brought it over to the book and wasn't surprised to find that the humming got louder.

Samuel looked up at his youngest grandson. "What's wrong Sam?"

"Nothing. I just found out that the book hums near angels. Or their feathers at least." Sam said moving the feather closer and farther from the book, listening to the soft hum.

"Worry about that later. For now let's worry about getting set up. If he's really going to shoot Dean then I suggest we get our supplies together just in case." Samuel said. "I can't say I'm happy about this plan but it's the best we have."

Sam nodded. "I don't want Dean hurt but we don't have a choice." He released the feather and they all watched as it slowly floated to the floor, catching fire as it hit leaving nothing but an imprint behind on the concrete.

"Did it work?" Dean asked as Balthazar appearing in the room, passing a bag full of chocolate to Gabriel, who took it with a happy noise.

"Yes. They bought it. Although they were all very gutted at the idea of me shooting you." The angel said, grabbing a small box of liquor filled chocolates out for himself, drawing a cry of protest from the now pouting archangel. "I paid for these myself. Sod off."

"Glad to know that some other then me is upset about this plan." Castiel said, glaring at Dean. "I hate that you feel the need to put your life on the line for this."

Dean went over to the dark haired angel and wrapped him up in his arms. "It's not going to be that bad Cas. I have you and Bally to help."

"Please stop calling me that." The British angel whined. "I hate being called Bally."

"It's either that or Zary." Dean said.

"Dear Father that's even worse. It makes me sound like a stripper." He said, a look of horror crossing his face.

"Next time I decide to open a club want to be my star attraction?" Gabriel asked, biting into a chocolate covered cherry. "You'd look good in a thong."

"I'd tell you to bite me but I'm afraid you'd actually try it. Especially since I have chocolate on me." The taller angel replied. "Beside I'll have you know I look right dashing in thong."

Castiel threw him an odd look. "I liked you better in the dress."

"Ah the dress." Balthazar said with a grin. "I did rather like it. Blue really is my color."

"Okay that's way too much information for me." Dean said. "There isn't enough brain bleach in the world."

"Then consider this." The Brit said. "Castiel may have loved me in the dress, but he killed it in the leather miniskirt."

Dean turned curious green eyes onto his angel, who was a deep crimson. "Cas, you rocked a leather mini skirt and didn't tell me? Oh we are going to have to fix this mistake."

"We'll fix it after we get this done." Gabriel said. "But now let's get some rest. Feel like joining us tonight Bally?"

"Why not? I haven't done that since that wonderful time we had together back in Stillwater. Clothing optional I assume." He asked, already stripping.

"You're in our bed aren't you?" Dean asked. "Rule number one. No clothes."

"I thought that was rule three." Castiel said.

"No rule three is no bananas in the bedroom." Gabriel said. "Especially after last time."

"No I'm pretty sure that was rule seven." Dean said pulling off his shirt. "Rule three was no peanut butter because of that damn mouse."

"Okay I am going to need a full stories on all these rules." Balthazar said as he laid on the bed, his wings already out and relaxed.

"We have a complete list of rules that I can give you after this is all over." Gabriel said flopping onto the bed next to him. "Now is nighty-night time."

"How old are you? Ten?" The hunter asked.

Cas opened his mouth to say something but Dean stopped him by tossing his shirt at him.

"I was being sarcastic Cas." Dean said, as he went over to his mate and quickly helped him strip. "I know he's probably older then dirt but I swear he acts just like a child."

Castiel nodded and quickly crawled into the bed joining his brothers. Balthazar had quickly claimed the far side of the bed and was already curled around up against the archangel, his wings already curling around the archangel. Gabriel's wings were out as well and he hurriedly let out his own, glad to be able to stretch them out once more. There was a quiet click and he turned to see Dean holding his phone up with a grin. He moved closer and showed him the picture of the three of them nestled in the covers, smiling happily. The hunter sat the phone down and climbed into bed too, curling around him. It was the happiest they had ever been.

Sam checked his gun and then checked his watch.

"Stop fidgeting." Samuel said.

Sam looked up at him. "I'm not fidgeting."

"That's the sixth time you've checked your gun in the past three minutes." The older man said. "Nothing has changed about it except for the fact that I'm about to take it from you and hit you over the head with it."

Sam sighed and checked the clock again. Looking up again he saw Balthazar appear at the far end of the street. He nodded and vanished again. They quickly filed out of the van, weapons at ready as they made their way quickly and quietly into the building. Mark and Christian brought up the rear while Gwen was in the middle with their medical supplies. Samuel and Sam took point with Sam. As they headed inside Sam couldn't help but feel the weight of the book that was in the bag on his back.

There was a loud crash from inside and the small group of hunter's rushed in. Samuel and Sam kicked the doors open to the main part of the building where Dean and Razael were at. They arrived just in time to see Razael take down a ghoul. He turned to face them, confusion clear on is face. Sam opened his mouth to say something when shock flitted across the face he knew so well and those blue eyes went wide. Razael jumped back at an almost inhuman speed but it was in vain as the shot rang out. There was the sound of two screams that came from the eldest Winchester as his body slammed into the ground; one of his own and the other of the angel with him.

"Dean!" Three voices screamed out.

Sam rushed to his brother's side, with Gwen following close behind. He skidded to his knees stopping next to Dean. He quickly pressed his hands to the wound to try to staunch the bleeding. Dean looked up at him with wide, pain filled green eyes and he reached out and gripped Sam's shoulder. It seemed that Balthazar was right and Razael had been banished for the time being.

"Sammy...You need to...Get out...There are more..." Dean gasped out.

Gwen was at Dean's side pulling out gauze and pressing it to the wound. "I've got you Dean."

"Forget me. Run. The ghouls." Dean said, wincing at Gwen dumped some whiskey on the wound. "Shit that hurts!"

"How many?" Samuel asked, keeping his gun at the ready. "How many are left Dean?"

"Six. Four males and two females." Dean bit out. "Oh shit...Razael...He...Damnit!"

"We've got this covered Dean. Worry about yourself." Samuel said.

"He's not answering!" Dean said reaching up with his good hand to try and clutch at his shoulder.

"Sam we have a problem." Gwen said softly. "I think this bullet did more damage then what it looks like. He's losing too much blood."

Sam looked up at Gwen as gun fire rang out as the rest of the ghouls were taken out by Samuel, Mark and Christian. "What do you mean? He's going to be fine."

"He's losing too much blood Sam!" Gwen said pulling out more gauze to try and stop the bleeding. "If we don't get him to a hospital he will die."

Sam looked down at Dean and grasped his hand. "Don't worry Dean. We're going to get you some help okay? Just hang on alright?"

"Sammy...I'm not...I'm feeling faint. I..." Dean closed his eyes and tears spilled from them. "I can't die again. I need help."

Sam frowned as he watched the red seep out of his brother's shoulder. He glanced around and realized that maybe, just maybe something had gone wrong. Dean wasn't supposed to be hurt this bad. He wasn't supposed to watch his brother die again. He didn't have choice. He had to take a risk.

"CASTIEL!" Sam yelled. "CAS! DEAN'S HURT! WE NEED YOUR HELP!"

There was the sudden fluttering of wings and Castiel appeared rushing over to them. "Sam, what happened? Dean are you alright?"

"Someone shot me. Razael is not answering me. Cas I can't die again." Dean gasped out.

Castiel nodded his face anxious. He pressed two fingers to Dean's head with his eyes closed before pulling back. He frowned and a look panicked crossed the normally stoic angel's face. He looked up at Sam, worry clear in those blue eyes.

"Did you see who shot him?" Castiel asked.

"No. Why? What's wrong?" Sam asked.

"Razael was hit with something that banished him. He managed to move enough to prevent a killing shot. Only an angel could have done this." Castiel said. "Balthazar I need your help. Dean's bleeding out."

The British angel appeared and quickly took Gwen's place next to Dean. He pulled the gauze away gently probed the wound but it was still enough to cause Dean to cry out. He shook his head, not liking what he was finding. He turned to Gwen.

"Tweezers. The bullet is still in there. We can't heal him unless we get it out. It has sigils on it to prevent angelic healing. I'm guessing it also banished Razael." Gwen handed the angel a pair of tweezers and he nodded to Castiel and Sam. "Hold him. I have to get this thing out."

Dean tightly gripped Sam's arm, while Castiel helped hold his mate down tightly. Balthazar dug the tweezers in pulling a pain filled scream from the hunter. After a few heart stopping minutes he finally found the bullet and carefully extracted it. The problem was that when it came out, blood began gushing out as well. Balthazar cursed and started pushing healing magic in the wound but because of the sigils having imprinted into the skin he was still having trouble healing him.

"Bollocks! I'm not going to be able to heal him quick enough." The Brit said. "The sigils left marks. I don't know if I can help him."

"We need to get him back." Cas said reaching for Dean.

"Don't be a nutter. He wouldn't survive the trip." Balthazar said slapping his hand away.

"We can't do nothing!" Cas snapped.

Before the taller angel could say anything else everything began to shake. A bright white light began to glow and was slowly filling up the warehouse. Sam froze having experienced this several times before. He looked down at Dean and realized that Gabriel might be his brother's only chance at survival. He couldn't risk leaving though, he had to see Gabriel. There was only one thing to do.

"Everyone take cover! Cover your ears and close your eyes!" Sam yelled. "Do it now!"

As the Campbell's took cover Sam stayed where he was. He gripped Dean's hand tighter and his brother looked up at him with pain filled green eyes. He had stayed away for a year and now that he was here he wasn't going to abandon him. Dean wouldn't leave him and he never should have left him.

Dean gave him a weak shove. "Sam...move it."

Sam shook his head. "I'm not leaving you Dean."

"Sam take cover." Castiel said. "You can't withstand an angel's true form."

"No. I'm not leaving Dean again." Sam said.

"I think he's lost the plot!" Balthazar said. "Sod off before you get hurt!"

"I said I'm not leaving him!" Sam snapped.

Castiel suddenly slammed Sam down on the floor. The youngest Winchester saw Balthazar let his wings out and lay himself down over Dean. That was the last thing he saw before one of Castiel's black wings enveloped him and he was wrapped in darkness. He could hear the muffled sounds of the archangel approaching and the shaking grew steadily worse until it suddenly stopped.

The sudden silence was nearly deafening. He shoved at the wing that was pinning him and was surprised when he was released. Pushing himself up he glanced around and realized that every window was shattered and that most of the metal sheeting around the room was blown outwards. He turned back to look at his brother and stopped. Leaning over his brother was a face that he hadn't seen in a year.

"We need to stop meeting like this Dean-o." Came the laughter filled voice that was laced with worry. "What's your mate going to say about this?"

"That...I'm a...danger magnet..." Dean weakly choked out.

Gabriel laughed as his gold eyes were trained on the wound that was still spilling blood. "I'd say that I have to agree with you on that. Why do you always scream me when trouble is offered?"

"I think I broke...too many mirrors..."

Gabriel nodded and winced. "I'm sorry about this Dean-o. I need to get inside to remove the sigil traces otherwise you're going to bleed out on us."

Dean didn't even have time to protest as the archangel shoved a finger into the wound. The hunter screamed but the angel was done before he could do more then that. A quick glow had the wound healed instantly leaving the hunter pale, exhausted, and blood soaked but otherwise unharmed. Sam scooted a bit closer to Dean and realized that the other two angels were standing behind Gabriel with their blades drawn and keeping the rest of the family back.

"Balthazar do a quick check. Someone was intentionally trying to take out Dean and Razael. It could have been one of Raphael's people. Make sure that angel doesn't have the chance to report back." Gabriel said softly, his voice cold.

The taller angel disappeared and Castiel moved himself so he was better protecting the archangel. Sam watched as Gabriel keep his eyes trained on Dean's face. His gold eyes were warm and Sam could almost feel the protective vibes the archangel was putting out. Sam leaned down to try to get a better look at the archangel's face but Balthazar returned at that moment and dropped a second angel blade next to the archangel causing him to turn away from Sam's searching eyes.

"You were right. Got him before he could buck up." Balthazar said. "We're in the green again."

"Good. We need to get Dean back. He needs to recover." The archangel said. "Come on Dean. I know you're tired but you have to get up."

Sam moved quickly and managed to get Dean to his feet by himself. His brother swayed and Sam steadied him, not liking the pallor of his brother's skin. Balthazar moved closer and slung weakened hunter's arm over his shoulder and held on tight to his waist. Dean reached out and grabbed at Gabriel.

"My car..."

Gabriel reached into Dean's jacket and pulled out the keys. "I've got her. You worry about yourself. We can't have you down and out when there's so much we still need to do."

Dean nodded and Balthazar flapped his wings and they were both gone. Gabriel looked down at the keys in his hand before reaching down and picking up the blade that the British angel had dropped. He slid it up his sleeve before turned to Castiel, who was still standing at attention with two blades drawn. Gabriel went over to the younger angel and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Relax Cassie." He said softly. "I don't think we are in the presence of enemies. If we were I don't think they would have tried to help us."

Castiel lowered his blades but didn't put them away.

The archangel turned to the Campbell family. "I owe you my thanks. You didn't have to protect Dean and Razael but you did. Not many would be willing to do that. Now if you'll excuse me I have a very injured hunter I must comfort."

"Wait. We did come here for Dean but we also came here for another reason." Samuel said. "Look, we've been trying to find you for a year. You are the archangel Gabriel right?"

"That I am. And I know you've been looking for me." Gabriel's gold eyes appraised them before he turned to Castiel. "Cassie why don't you head back and take care of your mate?"

The dark haired angel turned to glare at Gabriel. "I don't think that's wise. These hunters are only human. The chances of them-"

"Casitel. Dean just suffered more then just a gun shot. Razael was forcefully ripped from his body against his will. Do you remember what it was like to be ripped from your Jimmy?" Gabriel said softly. "Dean needs you to be there for him. He needs your comfort."

"But I-"

"Now Castiel." Gabriel said his voicing ringing. "Your mate needs you."

The younger angel seemed to vibrate with anger for a minute, his black wings twitching rapidly. His hands clenched and unclenched around the blades he was holding. He suddenly heaved a sigh and the fight drained out of him. Casting one last glance at the humans his wings lifted and then he was gone. Gabriel, pleased that his brother was gone, suddenly turned and began walking towards the door.

"Wait! Gabriel please look at me!" Sam yelled.

The archangel stopped and slowly turned to face him.

Sam's breath caught in his throat. Gabriel hadn't changed. His eyes were still the warm gold that he remembered. He could also feel the power that was contained in the smaller man that, while weaker, was still producing the warmth that he remembered. A warmth began to spread from the mark on his neck and down into his chest and Sam shivered.

"Gabe...I...I've been looking for you for so long. I tried everything to find you. I looked for summoning spells, I prayed, I even begged." Sam said. "Why didn't you come to me? Why did you let me think you were gone?"

Gabriel didn't say anything, but just kept staring at him.

"Say something damn it!" Sam snapped.

A small smiled spread across the angel's face. "Hello Sam. It's been a long time."

Sam felt like punching him. "Is that all you can say? Hello? Why the hell didn't you try to find me? Why didn't answer me? I thought that you might have been killed or worse. Instead I find out that you've been with Dean this whole time!"

"What would you have me say Sam? That I missed you? That I've dreamed of seeing you again for so long that it's all I ever dream of anymore?" Gabriel asked. "Because if that's what you want then you have it. My every thought has been consumed by you ever since Lucifer pulled you away from me."

"Then why didn't you come find me? Why didn't you answer me?" Sam asked, desperate to know the answer to the question of why he'd been abandoned.

"Because I couldn't face what you've become Sam!" Gabriel snapped, his eyes turning cold. "I didn't want to look at you and see this thing that you've become."

Sam frowned. "What I've become? And just what have I become?"

"If you mean you can't stand what a great hunter he's become without his brother then I can see why." Christian said glaring at the small man. "You're all pathetic."

Gabriel's gold eyes flicked to the tattooed blonde and Grace began to crackle over his skin and his wings appeared behind him, spreading to their full length sending the hunter scrambling back. "Don't tempt me, Demon Scum, or I will send you back to Crowley in pieces. And don't think I won't. My power may be diminished but I am still an archangel and I am not above smiting filth like you."

In the chaos of the sudden revelation, the Campbell's turned on the tattooed blonde. Gabriel began walking away in the confusion and Sam quickly followed him not wanting to loose the blonde. It was only when they were in the next room that the angel stopped and turned to face him once more. Sam kept moving towards him but the angel held up a hand and he stopped. He stared at the wings he remembered so fondly, not liking how the once shinning gold was now a dull copper color.

"What did you mean by what I had become? And your wings...What happened to them?" Sam asked softly. "Did Lucifer do this?"

"For once this is not my brother's doing, but it is sad to look at isn't it?" Gabriel said twisting a wing to look at it. "They used to be so beautiful. As for what I meant...You're not sleeping are you Sam? You feel numb inside. You do things that you'd probably would never have considered doing before you fell into hell. You're probably even sleeping with whoever is willing aren't you?"

Sam opened his mouth to confirm it but seeing the pain in those gold eyes made him stop. "You know what's wrong with me don't you?"

"Yes. I've known since the minute those blasted cuffs came off." Gabriel said. "It's the reason I stayed away. When you were brought back from hell, it was only your body that made the trip back topside. Your soul is still trapped down in hell with Michael and Lucifer. I've been trying to get it back but the Cage was designed to hold an archangel. I'd get stuck in there too."

"That doesn't explain your wings. Dean said something was killing you." Sam said, everything making more sense now that he could see the whole picture.

"Yes. Something is killing my Grace." The archangel took a deep breath and released it, his wings vanishing. "You see we managed to mate, even if the bond isn't complete yet. In doing so it means that My Grace can protect you. I know you felt it right before I passed out. You felt something warm grip tightly onto your soul."

"Yeah. I remember." Sam said quickly. "I thought it was your Grace trying to comfort me."

"It was in a way. I managed to use my Grace as a shield to protect your soul." Gabriel said softly. "My Grace is dying because part of it is trapped in hell keeping your soul safe from harm."

Sam didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to say. All this time he had thought that maybe Gabriel had abandoned him only to find out that the angel was suffering because of him. Gabriel was becoming human just to protect him. He couldn't lose the archangel, he'd just got him back.

"Gabe please stop. You can't die for me. Just pull your Grace back." Sam said. "We'll find another way."

"It's too late Sam." The blonde said softly. "I can't pull my Grace back. I don't have the strength to anymore. I lost that power about six months back. The only thing that can help me I don't know how to find. Since it's warded against angels and it's guardian is insane I'll probably never find it."

Sam suddenly scrambled, trying to get the bag off his back. "Razael. He said something to me while he was with us. He said something about a book that could help but he just didn't know how it would help. At first I thought he was just rambling but then I managed to find the book." He pulled open the black drawstring bag and pulled out the leather wrapped book and held it out. "This is what you were looking for isn't it?"

Gabriel's eyes were wide as he reached out and took the wrapped book without touching Sam. He unfolded it and the book began to hum loudly. With a shaking hand the archangel opened the book to the first page. His eyes skimmed over the writing there before filling with tears closing, the tears sliding down his cheeks. He carefully shut the book and wrapped it back up.

"I can't believe that Razael remembered it." Gabriel opened his eyes and looked up at Sam. "With this I will be able to bring your soul back Sam. I just need to look over it."

Sam leaned down, intending to kiss the archangel, only to have him pull back sharply. "Why won't you let me touch you?"

"Trust me when I say that there is nothing else I would love to do more then kiss you but I can't take that risk." The angel said softly. "If we touch in any way the bond will try to drive us to complete our mating by having you mark me. Not only would that not work right now with you lacking your soul but if we did try you'd be no kinder to me then Lucifer was that last time we were together."

"That's not true." The youngest Winchester replied. "I would never hurt you."

Gold eyes locked with green. "Think back Sam. Think back to me laying there bleeding and think of seeing yourself covered in my blood. Do you remember the enjoyment my brother took in seeing me cry out in pain at his hands? Now think back and tell me that if we had to complete this bond right now that you wouldn't care about seeing me covered in blood and screaming again."

Sam thought about being given control of his body back after Lucifer was done. His hand had been soaked in the angel's blood as had his clothes. At the time the very thought of knowing that his body had been used to hurt his angel had made him gag. Now that it had been pointed out he realized that he wouldn't really care if this time he was the one hurting Gabriel and making him scream.

Sam shook himself and took several steps back from the angel. "I think I'd enjoy it." He said softly. "Maybe it's best I stay over here."

Gabriel moved closer and held out a piece of paper. "Here. Castiel is going to throw a bitch fit but I want you to grab everything of yours and meet us here. It's where we're staying. I want you out from under Crowley's thumb. And it means that you can check on Dean as well."

Sam carefully took the paper. "Are you sure about this? What if I hurt you?"

"I trust you Sam. That hasn't changed. I still love you. And I know that you do to." Gabriel said.

The archangel looked up at him with warm golden eyes and Sam couldn't help but stare into them. Those gentle, loving eyes were slowly being filled with sadness the longer they stared at each other. The archangel gave him a sad smile and his hand reached up as if to caress his cheek but stopped just short of touching him. Sam closed his eyes and leaned slightly towards the angel's hand savoring the warmth the could feel.

The warmth suddenly left and Sam opened his eyes to see Gabriel stepping back. There was the rustle of feathers and the archangel vanished. A few seconds later there was the sound of the Impala starting up and then fading away as Gabriel drove off. Sam looked down at the paper in his hands and memorized the address before pulling out a lighter and burning it. He turned and headed back the way he came to meet up with the Campbell family; he had some packing to do.

Sam looked around, making sure that no one was watching before he did a quick hobble up to the abandoned looking house. It was close to midnight and a powerful thunderstorm had moved into the area making it easy to sneak around. It was a good thing too. After Gabriel had revealed that Christian was possessed Samuel had insisted on testing everyone and keeping them under lock and key until he got everything straightened out.

Sam had packed his things and dropped his duffle bag out the second story window before following it, earning a sprained ankle for his stunt. After that he cleaned out his car and limped his way to the nearest ATM and withdrew all the money he could from the cards that Samuel had given to him. Once he maxed them out he cut them up and thrown them into the nearest trash can so no one could track him. He grabbed a bus to take him as close to the address as he could and hobbled the rest of the way.

So now he was standing on a rotting porch, soaking wet, with his duffle hidden under his coat, a twisted ankle, and questioning his sanity. He had already come this far and made sure that he burned his bridges as best he could to get away. He looked out at the rain and then at the door before knocking harshly twice, knowing he had nowhere else to go if they didn't want him. The door swung open without a sound and Sam slipped inside with the door slamming shut behind him and locking on it's own. Looking around he realized he was in a small room with six closed doors.

Sam sat his duffle and soaked jacket down on the floor and it vanished making him jump. In it's place were a were pair of warm looking sleep pants and matching shirt with a couple towels. He picked them up and the first door on his right opened revealing a steaming shower waiting for him. Smiling he headed in and stripped taking a short shower to warm up and relax him. Once done he head back out and into the entry way. The next door that opened was the second on the left revealing a bed with his duffle on it and a table with his laptop set up.

Not knowing what else to do he shook his head. "Thanks but I'm not tired. Don't sleep remember? And I really want to check on Dean." Sam said out loud.

The door shook before closing. Once closed the door next to it opened leading to a what looked like a rather large room that was lit by fire light. Sam shrugged and limped his way into the room with the door closing quietly behind him. The room wasn't as large as he thought, with a large bed set directly across from one fireplace and a set of chairs with a low table between them next to a second.

Sitting in one of those chairs, clad in a pair of blue silk boxers was Gabriel. He had the softly humming book sitting on his lap as he carefully read over it. Though he didn't move Sam could feel those gold eyes watching him. Sam hobbled over to the empty chair and sat, facing the archangel, realizing for the first time that the table had a rather thick sandwich on it along with two steaming cups of hot chocolate complete with mini colored marshmallows. Sam grabbed the food and dug in, not caring about manners. As he reached for the cup he heard a chuckle and looked up to find Gabriel watching him.

"Sorry. That was rude of me." Sam said. "Was the shower, clothes, and room your idea as well? If so then thanks."

"You're welcome." Gabriel said softly, taking a sip from his own cup. "I was watching and knew you needed it. Nice landing by the way."

Sam reached down and rubbed his ankle. "Yeah. Landed on a rock. Is this your room?"

The angel let out a soft laugh. "It's our room. 'Our' being however happens to be crashing here. Mainly Dean-o, Cassie, and myself though sometimes Bally joins us as well. Like now."

Sam frowned and looked over at the bed. Balthazar was curled up against Castiel's back, his wings draped over the angel. Castiel was resting halfway on top Dean, who could barely been seen under the black feathers of the angel. Dean was facing the dark haired angel and one of his hands could be seen tightly gripping a fistful of black feathers. Sam turned back to the archangel.

"Is this a normal thing?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. We angels are very social creatures. Nesting together like this is normal. The first night it happened was right after I was saved. I thought it's be a one off . Then Cassie admitted something to me and I realized that he needed the warmth of family as much as I did. As for Dean, well, I think he just likes to feeling of safety that comes with it." He said softly looking at bed as well.

"So did you find what you were looking for?" Sam asked pointing at the book.

"I did in fact." He said closing the book before wrapping it back into the leather. "So tomorrow evening we can have everything ready and you can have your soul back."

The younger Winchester nodded. "I want it back. I want to be with you. I want to feel again."

There was a rustling from the bed and a sleepy Dean rolled over. He struggled for a minute to get out of the tangle of limbs and wings before managing to get out. He got out of bed naked, much to Sam's shock, and shambled over to a door behind Gabriel. Sam looked questioningly at Gabriel but the angel just put a finger to his lips for silence. A toilet flushed followed by the sounds of a sink.

Dean stumbled back out a few seconds later, still drowsy. As he passed by the angel's chair he ducked down and kissed his cheek. Noticing his brother the hunter stumbled over to Sam and kissed his cheek as well. That done he made his way back to the bed. Balthazar had somehow ended up in Dean's spot and Dean crawled up the bed and flopped back down between the two angels where he was immediately engulfed by the wings of the two angels.

"That was odd." Sam said. "He do that often?"

"I think he's still a bit drained by the blood loss and healing today." Gabriel said. "I also have a confession. Today was a set up. Everything. We did what we had to in order to get you away from Crowley and his goons. Yes we did shoot Dean and it was real but he did it for you."

Green eyes turned to look at his brother before turning back to the angel. "While I wish it hadn't been done I can understand why you did it. Thank you for telling me the truth."

"I wouldn't lie to you." Gabriel said before yawning. "Sorry. My lack of Grace is leaving me feeling more and more human."

Sam watched the angel finish his hot chocolate. He moved toward the bed and stripped climbing in behind Castiel. His wings came out and Sam realized that just in the few short hours that they had been separated that the wings had darkened again. They had gone from the dull bronze he'd last seen them as and were now the color of rust. He got up and hobbled over to the bed and watched the archangel get comfortable. A sudden hand grabbed him and began pulling off his shirt.

Sam turned to see Balthazar holding his shirt with smirk. He dropped the shirt and wrapped his arms around Sam's waist and pulled easily lifting him onto the bed and depositing him next to Dean. Before he could protest his pants were removed as well and there was a warmth on his ankle, healing it. Balthazar then climbed back up and squished Sam between himself and Dean before the British angel's wings were draped over him followed closely by Castiel's black ones. Realizing that he wasn't going to getting up anytime soon Sam settled in to wait until morning.

Dean glared at the closed door where Gabriel was having meeting with Death. The archangel had summoned the Horseman and placated him with some fresh Cajun boudin rouge, to which the Horseman had seemed thrilled. Gabriel had then taken both the food and the Horseman into the next room and locked the door. This of course had mixed reactions of shock, curiosity, confusion, and downright hate.

"What the hell could they be talking about in there?" Dean fumed.

"Maybe it has something to do with the spell." Sam said, trying to be the voice of reason.

Razael, who could be seen pacing in the floor length mirror paused. {Bad things happen when secrets are kept. Bad things lead to broken souls.}

Castiel nodded, he had been the one to cast a spell to allow the insane angel to be heard. "I hate to say this but I agree with Razael. Gabriel said nothing to me about needing Death to help us."

"Everyone let's just ease up. It's not wonky yet. The do hasn't started so nothings in shambles." Balthazar said. "Let's not go arse of tits over ourselves to make it happen."

Sam turned to the Brit. "What did you just say?"

Dean chuckled. "Relax. It hasn't gone bad yet. The party hasn't started so nothing's gone wrong yet and the we should trip ourselves trying to make it happen."

"That's what I said." The angel said with a frown.

"Not everyone speaks Brit Bally." Dean said. "I only understand cause I've been around you so long. Dog's bollocks, right?"

That sent the angel into a fit of chuckles. "I'm chuffed Dean!"

"Same here."

"What is taking so long?!" Castiel snapped suddenly.

Razael stopped pacing again to glance at him. {Trading gold for white is dangerous. Too many variables, too many souls. Gabriel is taking a risk. The gambit is a bad one.}

Sam looked at the mirror. "A risk? What kind?"

{Too much noise. I can't read the energy.} Razael said before resuming his pacing.

"Remind me again why he's crazy?" Sam asked.

"The story we were told by Michael was that he wasn't in his vessel when it was being tortured for the book. The same one he sent you to find. He was it's guardian. He left his vessel to go hide it and when he got back his vessel had been driven insane and it lapsed over to him. It got so bad he tried to cut his own eyes out which is why they look like that. It's his Grace allowing him to see." Balthazar said. "Which was a damned shame. Best tactician in heaven. It almost killed Gabriel to seal him away from what I heard. Best mates. Of course we don't know if it's true or not. Gabriel won't tell us."

{He did what was best though the best isn't relative. Trading gold for white is dangerous. Pain is coming. I can't see past the lines drawn in the sand.} Razael said. {He needs hope.}

"Who needs hope?" Dean asked. "Sam?"

Razael shook his head, his pacing taking on an almost agitated tone. {No. Trading the golden glow for white is dangerous. It won't work. He needs hope. A Father's touch is needed for him to survive. There is no time. I will reach him.} A set of blue wings spread and Razael was gone.

Dean blinked at the sudden absence of the angel in his body. "What the hell just happened?"

Castiel also seemed confused. "I'm not too sure. He said that 'trading gold for white was dangerous' and 'a father's touch is needed'. I don't understand what he could mean."

Sam turned to look at the door. Gabriel had been in there for nearly two hours. Pushing away from the wall he walked over and grabbed the door handle, surprised when it turned. He opened the door and stepping inside. Death was setting down a black bag and Gabriel had a torn expression on face. Death turned back to the archangel and held out a hand. Gabriel picked up a knife and sliced his finger open. He held it over Death's hand and a single drop of blood fell onto his open palm.

The Horseman smiled. "Thank you for your business. Let's conclude this shall we? You're mate is getting restless."

Gabriel turned to look at the door, smiling when he noticed Sam standing there. "Heya Samsquatch. We were just coming to get you. We just finished everything so we're ready to move to the spare room."

"What took so long?" Sam asked. "It's been two hours."

"We were finalizing out deal. Razael gave me his vessel's soul in addition to getting the blood of an archangel." Death said. "Which will allow me one debt."

Gabriel nodded. "That was our deal. You have Sam's soul?"

Death held up the black bag. "Let's move this to a more comfortable location shall we?"

The archangel nodded and stood. He exited the room and led everyone to a different room. It was large and open with black walls and the only thing in it was a bed with padded cuffs on it that was near the door. Castiel grabbed Sam's arm and led him to the bed. He did as the dark haired angel instructed, laying down and allowing his wrists and ankles to be locked into the cuffs.

"So why do I need to be locked down?" Sam asked.

"So you don't hurt yourself while I am putting you back together. Normally I wouldn't be surprised if this left you as a drooling brain dead mess." Death said as he sat the bag on the floor next to the bound hunter. "Considering how I found your soul, however, the most that will be wrong with you is a guilty conscious for what you did during your time without a soul."

Gabriel moved closer to Sam. "It'll be alright. I told you. I was protecting you. I love you."

Death looked up at the archangel. "You are a fool, Gabriel."

The blonde shrugged. "We angels are stupid when we fall in love."

Death nodded at them and motioned for everyone to step back. Castiel took Dean's hand and pulled him towards the wall away from bed. He wrapped his arms around his hunter holding him tightly and then wrapped his wing around him as added protection. Balthazar moved over to the door and pulled it closed and barred it shut before moving to stand next to the pair. Gabriel stepped back as well to the far side of the room opposite everyone else.

Pleased that everyone was clear, the Horseman reached down and opened the black bag at his feet. He opened it and pulled out a large glowing gold ball. He held it tightly with hands and held it above Sam's chest. The youngest Winchester took a deep breath and nodded. Death began to gently push the soul back into Sam's body when a loud thud rang out. The Horseman paused and looked over at Gabriel, who had fallen to one knee.

"I'm fine. Don't stop." The archangel bit out, sweat running down his face.

Death shook his head. "I told you this would happen."

"I know. Keep going. Don't stop until Sam has his soul back."

Death turned back to Sam who was struggling against his bonds. "Gabriel! What's wrong?"

"His Grace is overwhelming him. Think of it as a power surge."

Balthazar, who had moved towards Gabriel, was stopped by the archangel's glare.

"I wouldn't do that." Death said. "If you touch him you could get hurt."

The angel frowned and moved closer anyway. Gabriel noticed and snapped his fingers, a ring of holy fire springing up and splitting the room. Balthazar stepped back and turned to look at Castiel, who seemed horrifed by what their brother was doing. He started to release Dean to move closer but the hunter refused to let him go.

"Don't wait for an invite. Give him his soul back!" Gabriel shouted at the Horseman.

Death nodded and turned back to Sam. He began pushing the soul into the hunter's body once more. Sam squirmed and let out a small groan. It wasn't painful but so far it was uncomfortable. The more the soul slid back into it's place the more the gold slowly faded away.

Dean's eyes went wide. "Son-of-a-bitch! 'Turning gold to white is dangerous'! Razael was trying to warn us. Shit! Gabriel!"

"I'm fine!" The archangel bit out through clenched teeth as he clutched his chest. "Just finish it!"

Death gave the soul in his hands one final push and made sure that it slid carefully into it's proper place. He pulled away and dusted off his hands as he finished. Behind him, Gabriel screamed and his nails bit deep into his chest tearing through his shirt and drawing blood. He only stopped screaming when his lungs ran out of air. The pain was so great he couldn't even fight to draw in a breath, leaving him gasping and his vision clouding with red.

Across the room, Castiel and Balthazar were freeing a now frantic Sam from his cuffs. Dean was as close to the fire as he dared to be without getting burned, unsure if he'd be able to reach the archangel. Death stood and came to stand next to the hunter. He waved his hands over the flames and they began to die down before vanishing completely. Before Dean could move Sam was already pushing past him to get to the blonde. The brunette gathered the angel into his arms just as he collapsed.

"Gabe!"

The youngest hunter pulled the archangel against his rolling him over. The angel's blonde hair was darkend by sweat and sticking to his face in clumps. His skin had taken on a sickly shade of gray, making him look almost corpse like. Blood was seeping though his shirt, turning the blue to black as it spread. Those golden eyes were open but there was no life in them as they were staring blankly at nothing. If not for the shallow breathing and the faintly fluttering pulse that Sam's shaking fingers managed to find he would have thought the archangel dead.

"I told him that this would happen but he refused to back down." Death said moving to stand over them. "That is why the negotiations took so long. I was trying to talk him out of this suicidal endeavor."

Sam looked up at the Horseman, tears streaming down his face as he held the limp body against his chest. "I don't understand. What happened to him?"

"His Grace has been protecting your soul for so long that it was a struggle for his Grace to return to him." Death said. "Think of it as a rubber band that has been pulled taunt for a year. Once you release it does it go back to the shape it once was? Of course not. That is what happened here. He was trying to pull his Grace back from needing to protect you."

"Can you...Is there anything you can do to help him?" Sam asked softly. "I can't lose him. I just got him back. Please."

"I don't know what I can do. I only deal in souls." Death said. "But my heart does go out to you Sam Winchester. I hope that you can find the help you need for him."

Death turned and walked away as the others came closer. Castiel reached out and placed two fingers on the archangels head, closing his eyes and concentrating. Balthazar sat next to them anxiously waiting while Dean kneeled down next to Sam and wrapped and arm around him. Castiel opened his eyes a few minutes later looking deeply troubled.

"His consciousness has receded in on itself. It's almost like he could no longer control his own Grace and was lost in it." Castiel said. "I am unsure of how to fix it."

"So what do we do? It's not like we can pop off to heaven and ask a healer for what to do. Everyone up there thinks Gabriel nodded off a long time ago." Balthazar said.

The dark haired angel seemed to think about it for a minute. "Let's get him in a bed. Before we take any other action we should check and make sure his Grace is properly restored. There is a chance that with his Grace restored that Gabriel may be able to heal himself."

The British angel nodded and went to grab Gabriel but stopped short. Sam was clutching tightly onto the archangel. The hunter was softly sobbing, his head bowed. He looked back at Castiel who seemed torn about what to do. Luckily enough it was Dean who knew what to do.

He reached down and gently carded his finger's in his brother's hair. "Come on. You need to let go Sammy."

Sam shook his head almost violently, his fingers digging harder in the angel's jacket.

Dean leaned down and kissed the top of his brother's head. "It's okay Sammy. We're just going to move him to a bed okay? You can stay there with him but you need to let Balthazar take him."

Sam struggled to compose himself. Balthazar slowly reached out and pulled Gabriel into his arms, not surprised when Sam struggled to let go of his mate. Dean reached down and pulled his brother's hands free and Sam turned and began sobbing into Dean's chest. He nodded to the angels and they quickly left the room with the archangel leaving the two of them alone. Dean couldn't help but feel that there was more going on then just Gabriel's collapse.

Dean pulled Sam close and let his brother cry. "It's okay Sammy. I'm here. I'm sorry I left you alone. I never should have done it. I won't leave you alone again."

"Dean..." The youngest hunter sobbed. "I've done horrible things... I can't..."

"Just forget it. That wasn't you okay? I know, Cas knows it, Bal knows, and Gabe definitely knows it. He wouldn't have done this if he didn't know what a good person you really are. None of us would have done this." Dean said. "Now come on Sammy. You have to pull yourself together. Gabriel is going to need you now. So come on. Where's my smart ass little brother at?"

Sam suddenly clutched Dean's shirt. "He's crying into his big brother's shirt because he's been gone a year and he doesn't know how to forgive himself."

"He doesn't. He let's his family forgive him." Dean said. "Now come on. Let's go see if Cas and Bal know anything yet."

Sam nodded and dried his tears. Dean helped pull him to his feet. Together they headed out of the room and over to the bedroom. Balthazar turned to them as they came in, with a finger to his lips. Castiel was standing next to the bed where the archangel had been placed. Gabriel's wings were out and once more they shone a brilliant gold. The dark haired angel finished healing the wounds on his brother's chest before turning to the Winchester brothers. He came over to them slowly.

Sam glanced from the bed to Castiel and back again. "How is he Cas?"

"His Grace had been fully restored." Cas said. "We also figured out what happened. Just as his Grace was protecting you from the fires of hell and Michael and Lucifer's battle in the Cage, it also protected you from the pain of having your soul put back."

Sam felt his knees give out and suddenly he was on the bed next to Gabriel. Sam rolled over and pressed against Gabriel's still form. He remembered the last time he laid like this with his mate. It was after Lucifer had finished torturing the angel and let Sam have his body back to say goodbye. Then they were ripped away from each other. Now just when he was back and able to be with Gabriel again he'd lost the archangel once more.

"Sammy?"

"I'm okay Dean." Sam said softly. "I'm not leaving him."

"I know. Just let us know if you need anything."

Sam nodded and rested his head against the angel's chest listening to his heartbeat. It wasn't long until he was fast asleep. Dean watched them sadly. It didn't seem fair that they had to lose a brother to get one back. Shaking his head he took one of the fur blankets and draped it over both of them. He felt Cas come up behind him and wrap his arms around him followed closely by Balthazar. He turned and hugged his angel tightly, not surprised when he was enveloped by two sets of wings. It would be a while before everything would be okay again.


End file.
